THE DIRTY SOUTH

Dear Lord. Me and D packed up and headed to Pensacola to see my parents (and their seven cats) over Labor Day weekend. What we ate there in four days was an impressive study in intestinal abuse, and I haven't recovered yet.
We were starving after our three hour delay at the Dallas airport, where I reluctantly chose Pizza Hut
over the Hot Dog Construction Company. I made the most of it as you can see.
Madge and Yvon (mom and dad) greeted us with a lukewarm Steak 'n Shake sandwich wrapped in napkins and I let D eat most of it, deciding to wait for the Krispy Kremes back at the house.

One of the best things about the South (besides a church on every corner, chewin' tobacco and missing teeth), is that you can be driving along in almost any town, and all of a sudden, out of your wildest pork fantasy, there's a guy on the side of the road with a smoker and some folding chairs, selling pulled pork sandwiches. This is no joke.
You have to pull over and get one, or several. It is one of the purest eating pleasures I have experienced. No reservation necessary.

That same night, dad grilled steaks and mom made her famous twice-baked, double-stuffed potatoes,
then they taught us how to play Mexican Train Dominoes. I'm not making that up. It's a real game.
We are now obsessed with both, but can play the dominoes every night and still fit into our pants.

This is where the details start to get fuzzy. Sausage, bacon, french toast, Pillsbury Cinnamon rolls, english muffins and fried eggs for breakfast? How do they stay so thin?
Is it the heat or the humidity?

You just can't get a good bucket o' seafood around the Bay Area, but you sure can in the South...at Rick's Crab Trap.


The high school drop-out service was weak, but the sweet tea made up for that in sugar content and the huge half gallon plastic cup it's served in. The bucket comes filled with clams, oysters, mussels, shrimp, crab, crawfish, corn, potatoes and broccoli. Hush puppies and clarified garlic butter on the side for dipping. It's a fun mess.

And that was our culinary tour of the greater Pensacola area, where Waffle Houses outnumber Starbucks by 6 to 1, "God answers knee mail" according to one church sign, and soda is always on sale. Go Gators!